Science Daily reported today on a breakthrough in surgery in their article, “Most extensive full face transplant to date“. They detail the 36-hour procedure at the R Adams Cowley Shock Trauma Center at the University of Maryland Medical Center in which 37-year-old Richard Lee Norris of Hillsville, Virginia, victim of a “gun accident” underwent major craniofacial transplantation, marking “the first time in the world that a full face transplant was performed by a team of plastic and reconstructive surgeons with specialized training and expertise in craniofacial surgery and reconstructive microsurgery.”
However, shortly after this breakthrough was made public, anonymous White House insiders have come forward claiming that the process is not only “old news”, but has been performed on high profile public figures, including the Presidents of the United States.
“During the 2008 primaries there was a surgery specially installed on Air Force One – we had to guard it in case the press hounds came sniffing around,” revealed one faceless official. “It nothing new: if you squint and look at George Bush you can just about see Clinton struggling to escape. And Bush Snr. had to assimilate Ronald Reagan symbiotically like that creature in John Carpenter’s The Thing; y’know, because his son Neil’s friend Hinckley was a poor shot. That’s the exception, though – usually the assimilation is painless and voluntary.”
Testimony from additional administration insiders appears to corroborate these claims. “It’s true,” said one PR industry insider, speaking on behalf of the administration insider. “Usually we start filming the post-Presidency archive footage around six months before the elections – we use some of the best make-up artists to simulate ageing and so forth – those guys are really good. Just look at Jimmy Carter today – you wouldn’t think that was all filmed decades ago and he’s actually a part of Barack Obama, would you?”
The White House has firmly denied such allegations, stressing that absolutely no credible evidence exists to support them and vowing to use the full might of the media to suppress anything damning that may emerge …