Anti-Protest Law Passes Nearly Unanimously And Is Signed By The President

“If protesting was effective they’d try to make it illegal”… are we on the verge of an “American Spring”?

Via Huffington Post:

So I have some great news folks! The Republicans and the Democrats in Congress and the White House FINALLY came together and agreed on something. This is HUGE. These guys disagree on EVERYTHING! Getting them to see eye-to-eye is like getting the Jews and the Palestinians to do a trust fall together. Or getting Eskimos and polar bears to play Jenga.

I’m referring to the bill H.R. 347 that was signed by President Obama the other day, passed unanimously in the Senate, and 388-3 in the House. That’s nearly EVERY SINGLE lawmaker. The last time they agreed that closely on something, it was a bill raising monthly Congressional pay to include a box of Ding Dongs, two erotic cakes featuring Bonanza star Pernell Roberts, and a gentle yet inquisitive prostate exam every Tuesday.

What did this magical universally-loved bill say? Well some are calling it the anti-Occupy law and it allows the government to bring charges against Americans involved in many kinds of political protest at any location the secret service, quote, “is or will be temporarily visiting.” So basically if the government wants to shut down a protest, they just send a secret service officer down there to scratch his balls, and then they can start putting people in jail for a year or more.

This is all lovely except for that bitchy bothersome document, the Constitution. I believe somewhere in the back it says, “Congress shall make no law . . . abridging the freedom of speech . . . or the right of the people peaceably to assemble.” Aw shit! That musta sucked when Congress found that out! To get that close to passing it and then shot down? It musta been like getting hired to rub baby oil on the contestants of Miss Universe before the bathing suit portion of the competition and then losing your hands in a freak exploding cell phone accident! So when Congress heard about that first amendment they musta been like, “God damnit! That really f**ks up all our plans. That f**king line in the Constitution says not to do EXACTLY what we just did.” That’s what they must’ve said, right? … They didn’t just pass it anyway … Right?

But the bill doesn’t stop there. I mean, when you have the entirety of Congress with the exception of Ron Paul agreeing on something, why not swing for the fences? The bill also says it could be a federal crime to protest near an event of, quote, “national significance.” Well, that’s not vague at all. So you could be convicted of a federal crime and locked away for a year or more for the following things:

1) Marching outside the Democratic or Republican National Conventions

2) Yelling “C**k-face corporate whore” outside a barber shop where Mitt Romney is getting his ear hair trimmed.

3) Marching in front of the entrance of the New York Stock Exchange

4) Sprinkling magic homosexual glitter on Rick Santorum, or even anyone near Rick Santorum, or even just making fun of his stupid sweater vest!

5) Going to the gates of the White House and demanding the President read the Constitution. …You know, if he gets a chance.

Well, Congress gets to stomp on the Bill of Rights, I want to do it too. I want to bring back cruel and unusual punishment, and then we could demand that every man or woman who voted for the Anti-Protest Law or signed it from the Oval Office be tied up in the town square naked for a week while everyone gets to throw fire ants and bumble bees at their naughty parts. Deal??

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5 responses to “Anti-Protest Law Passes Nearly Unanimously And Is Signed By The President

  1. I love how these are worded so open and broadly. All i can guess is that our government wants to push the populous into an armed response, and Legally, Those who were to use force against the current junta would be in the right. my father is a Vietnam Vet, and he remembers the oath that they took to ” Protect the Constitution of the united states from enemies both foreign and domestic” not Protect the Government, or the President, but the Document that basically makes america what it is. We’re at a big cross roads and it’s pretty freakin’ ominous.

    • orwellwasright

      Isn’t it just? More draconian police state laws are coming in here in the UK as well, although I have to say I can’t predict it being anything like as potentially chaotic over here as it has the potential for in the States. It seems the “collapse” of the US may be imminent, the way things are going.

      • It seems every day we get More news of just how Little our Supposed Representative of the people actually take the Bill Or rights, concurrently, the “Man On the Street” interviews show how people will buy into the whole illusion of security and voluntarily surrender their freedom for fear of losing their freedoms and not seem to get the connection that our government here runs a protection racket. “If you don’t surrender you’re freemon, we’ll take that freedom away from you, or through the old Without us, who’s gonna protect you from those nasty terrorists” I see that people are too stubborn to admit that they are frightened to say anything bad about the government; basically, they are living this huge doublethink and all the while however, some Sheriffs for good or ill, have basically been excersing their constitutional rights. Some county’s here in oregon have bill boards that basically say ” this county will perform it duties as prescribed under the 9 and 10th amendments, basically saying that even if the feds come in they are subordinate by law to the local Sheriffs etc., Which is kind of interestingBut it’s still not quite that simple. In My opinion, I don’t know if we can handle another Serious terrorist attack, or major costly Natural Disaster. It almost feels like the Dustbowl days are breathing down our necks, but much much worse.

      • orwellwasright

        It is a precarious – indeed dangerous – situation the world is facing at the moment, and many people are seemingly content to put their collective heads in the sand. In a way who can blame them? Corruption is so rampant and our “elected representatives” so thoroughly compromised that it seems as if nothing is going to be done about it, no light at the end of the tunnel. Still, I live in hope that at some point decent people will do the right thing and we can get back on track as a species and realise our true potential – the alternative doesn’t really bare thinking about.

      • We are all doomed if we can’t even protest at the things we don’t like. Roll on The Cleansing.
        P.S Did you get there okay Bud?

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